There are days that the blog posts write themselves. They pop up somewhere in between waking up, singing in the shower, and savoring that first cup of coffee. And then there are days that I just sit here.
I know the topic for the post or what the tone should be but, what medium to use? Is this something as short as a tweet, or is it something that cannot be seen publicly regardless of length, or is this a post that deserves space, headers, and photography?
I am frequently stuck.
Do I have enough to say to type around 300-500 words for a post or are we done in a sentence or two? These days, my writing happens either in a journal, in a few tweets, on my website, or here. But here’s the fun part, I start to either blog or tweet and then regret te choice of medium.
Anxiety or stress.
Depending on what is going on, I just cannot sit still long enough to type or write. I need the quick release of a sentence or two with the flexibility to tweet that from just about anywhere to anyone, even nobody I know. From the car (when safe, of course) or the waiting room at whatever facility, Twitter allows for that writing release in the absence of a desk with a computer or a journal and a fountain pen.
Writing is breathing
When I do find myself sitting down, I make the conscious decision to breathe and write. I have a subject in mind and depending on that subject it either goes on the website, the blog here, or in my journal. I find that making the decision to combine writing with consciously slowing down and deepening my breath, as we do in yoga, takes the edges off the anxiety that popped up.
Depending on what I write and how e.g. venting, the stress may go away entirely. In other cases, especially when it is work related, the stress remains but changes shape.
It is not anymore in a powerful position to make me anxious, no. It has changed. I now have the determination to dig, research, and get answers. From there, the words flow and even if what I then produce is just a draft, I have laid the foundation for more writing.
If I sat down with my journal, I find that I jot down thoughts and feelings that were simmering underneath the surface, eating away at my sense of self, and therefore giving me feelings of anxiety. The ink on the pages is not always in the best penmanship but they reflect what has been going on in my mind, my heart, and my soul.
I don’t immediately have answers or solutions however, I have a roadmap to get me out. I have turned on my GPS or Google Maps, and I can now actively see what is around me, in my street, and what is coming around the corner.
There are days that I sit here and don’t know where to write what I think. But, even if I have to cross things out, or delete tweets, or rewrite drafts, I write anyway.